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Law Enforcement

January 3, 2012

The Beloved Sheriff Joe is under attack from the Federal Government!


"This IS my happy face!"

If you’ve been living under a rock, or at least outside of Arizona, you might not have heard the news about the Toughest Sheriff in the US. The commies in the federal government have cooked up a witch-hunt to discredit our beloved sheriff Joe. Once a point of pride for red-blooded Arizonans, Joe’s name has been tarnished by the socialist meddling from above.

How, you ask?

What follows is an attempt to catalogue the vindictive and totally unjustified attacks the government has lead against an outstanding public servant, elected and re-elected five times over the last twenty years.


The sheriff, using extreme for-sight, came up with a great way to prevent crime through deterrence. He initiated a program he called “jail-cam” which provided internet video-feeds from security cameras in the Madison Street county jail, so that any criminals with a computer could see the booking and detention process, and then decide not to commit crimes. The fact that they could see inmates partially undressed as they used the bathroom is erroneous. The fact that these outlaw punks were technically–I mean, only if you’re going by the letter of the law–innocent until proven guilty, was just a trick that the attorneys used to win the case. In the words of the Sheriff: “You don’t stop the wheels of government just because some civil-liberties organization is going to sue you”


Bad-Ass Prisons

America’s Toughest Sheriff isn’t a a title that’s easy to come by. Luckily he has a few different detention facilities to experiment with. Here are a couple ways Joe earns that title, and the pinko attacks that result:

1. Accreditation, who needs it? (besides county jails)

So in order to run a good, tough jail, you need to have bad, tough living environments. Talk about undermining an elected official’s credibility, in 2009 the National Commission on  Correctional Health Care (NCCHC) inspected Sheriff Joe’s jails and found that they didn’t meet the quality standards of national assessment organizations. So what if it’s a state law that they have to be accredited? A few months later Maricopa County reached out to the NCCHC to try and re-assess their findings. After another inspection, the first determination was affirmed. Luckily, accreditation is only there to protect the county from lawsuits, which so far has lost $43 million. Luckily, Joe doesn’t let such petty concerns as public spending prevent him from challenging these court cases all the way to the supreme court, even if the only payoffs go to the people suing him.


2. Criminals don’t have human rights (duh, winning)

I think the best way to summarize Sheriff Joe’s approach is that if they’re in jail, they’re probably guilty. It makes sense, only suspicious people run, and only guilty people get caught. Which is why Amnesty International, and the ACLU’s complaints about the quality of treatment of inmates is totes unjustified. Sure, in Tent City the temperatures get up to 145 degrees during the summer, and yeah, minors are forced into solitary confinement, and of course female inmates aren’t provided privacy from male guards. But seriously, if they wanted to be treated like human beings, they wouldn’t have been arrested in the first place.


And finally: Immigration practices

What to say about the immigration practices of the Maricopa County Sheriff’s Department? What could do justice to the justice being served? I’ll let the clearly-biased-towards-criminals-and-mexicans-department say it for me:

Based upon our extensive investigation, we find reasonable cause to believe that MCSO engages in a pattern or practice of unconstitutional policing. Specifically, we find that MCSO, through the actions of its deputies, supervisory staff, and command staff, engages in racial profiling of Latinos; unlawfully stops, detains, and arrests Latinos; and unlawfully retaliates against individuals who complain about or criticize MCSO’ s policies or practices, all in violation of Section 14141. MCSO’ s discriminatory police conduct additionally violates Title VI and its implementing regulations.

We also find reasonable cause to believe that MCSO operates its jails in a manner that discriminates against its limited English proficient (“LEP”) Latino inmates. Specifically, we find that MCSO, through the actions of its deputies, detention officers, supervisory staff, and command staff, routinely punishes Latino LEP inmates for failing to understand commands given in English and denies them critical services provided to the other inmates, all in violation of Title VI and its implementing regulations.

In addition, there were apparently more than 400 sex crimes, including sexual assault and child molestation that were “improperly investigated”. Because many of the victims of the crimes were hispanic females, it’s probable that this violates equal protection, as a biproduct of both systematized racism and sexism.


Anyway, there you have it!

I hope you’ve enjoyed Sheriff Joe’s greatest hits! And remember, the Adversaries of Justice (the DOJ, the ACLU, Amnesty International, Liberals Everywhere) are lying in wait! Stay Vigilant(e)!



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